I think about these words every day, and every day that passes, I wait for the time when this could be my son one day. My son has physically hurt teachers, students, relatives, family members, and me. When he’s bigger and stronger I will no longer be able to defend myself. He’s threatened and tried on several occasions to kill himself and physically hurt his little brother and me to many times to count. He’s only 9 years old. He’s shown so much aggression that I’m afraid of what the future will be for him. I’ve heard so many people say that these types of people needed help, but what happens when there is no help out there. I wrote my letter in hopes that someone would listen. I know it’s lengthy, but it has to be in order to really understand the struggles we have had over the last several years. There are so many times where my son has been violent enough for me to come to the realization that he could and will seriously hurt someone one day. Then it would be too late for him. They would throw him into the system only to be another lost number. What more needs to happen for people to realize that there are parents out there fighting for these kids to get help with nowhere to go? I promised him and myself that I would never give up, but I know that there are parents that choose to do that. After running around in circles so many times, you can only take so much before you give up.

Wyatt started having mental health issues at age 3-1/2. From that point forward up until the present, he’s been to countless psychologists, psychiatrist, psychotherapists, behavior therapists, occupational therapists, counselors, and pretty much every other type of doctor and professional in the mental health field. At age 4, he had his first inpatient for his anger and rage. He would destroy a room in the matter of seconds and his violent behavior was completely out of our control. I describe his behavior as an almost out of body experience. He’s unable to control anger, and the power that he has when he’s in a rage, is out of the norm. From age 4-7 he’s been in inpatient over 10 times for anger and aggression, threatening to kill himself and kill other people, and following through with hurting adults and children. From age 4-7 he’s been in intensive day treatment for behavior modification through Aurora Health Care. After 3 years and no improvement, they dropped him from the program. Plus, the insurance would no longer pay for it since there was no progress. There were constant problems in school. When he started K5, the problems really started, and they continued to escalate into 1^st grade. His behavior was so bad that he was a constant distraction on a daily basis. I was called everyday to come and pick him up because of his violence and uncontrollable behavior. After he was educationally diagnosed him with Autism, he was moved to a different school into a special education room. When we tried to get him medically tested for Autism, the insurance wouldn’t cover it. The out of pocket cost was too much for us to afford at the time. Since the diagnosis kept going back and forth so many times, we didn’t know if we should even get him tested. He’s been diagnosed with every possible diagnosis imaginable – ODD, ADD, ADHD, PDD, PTSD, Bipolar, Anxiety, Generalized Mood Disorder, Depression, Autism, Asperger’s, giftedness, etc. Every doctor has his or her own opinion on what is wrong with him. There were times where we thought they finally figured it out just to hear another opinion from a different doctor. We have yet to have an official diagnosis for him. All of the doctors and professionals we’ve dealt with say his case is so rare because he is high functioning, but suffers from the ability to control his anger and violence. Over the last 4 years, Wyatt has been on 17 different medications – yes 17. I was completely against medication and we tried everything conservatively, but we ran out of options, so medication was the next step. I’ve seen the ups, downs, and withdrawals of these medications, and some of them were brutal. When he was in Roger’s inpatient last year, they tried Ritalin. The doctor was convinced that this could be “a miracle” for him. The next day I want to see him and he had uncontrollable facial tics. It was the worst thing I’ve ever had to witness. He gave him something to counteract the tics, but that medication made him uncontrollably bite his hands, arms, and tongue, so I made them stop giving it to him. During one of his inpatient visits, we were referred to receive intensive in-home therapy through Shore Haven. Shore Haven worked with him for 6 months. Once he was given the official medical diagnosis of Autism, they were unable to continue services since they don’t work with children with the diagnosis. We were dropped with no further direction on where to go or who we should call for help. We were left alone with no services again. During his last visit at Rogers, we were given information regarding the Wraparound Reach Program in Milwaukee. We started intensive in-home therapy, case management, and we were set up with a crisis stabilizer. Unfortunately, Wyatt’s behavior changed for the worse quickly, and his violence and anger became harder to control. The multiple times we called the crisis stabilizer in a crisis, he was unable to get to our house because of time constraints. It was ridiculous that the person who was assigned to help with a crisis was not able to come to help! Over the next few months we went through 4 different babysitters because they were unable to control him and they were scared for their safety. When our last babysitter was there, I received a call at work that Wyatt took a screwdriver and smashed a 40 gallon fish tank and tried to stab her with it. By the time I got home, he had calmed down enough to be somewhat controlled. When I called the Wraparound case manager, she said that there was nothing more they could do at the moment since he was calmed down. I felt like that didn’t excuse the behavior that happened an hour before, but they didn’t see it that way. That night, he punched his brother so hard that there were instant bruises on his back. The next day he killed our hamster with no remorse, guilt, or apology. While we were figuring out where to bury it, I found him in my room playing with its dead body. I’ve never felt so scared for him because I knew that this type of behavior could lead to more serious situations. I knew this behavior couldn’t be left alone. I called the Wraparound caseworker with my concerns and how I felt that he needed to be re-evaluated by going into inpatient.  They said if I were to take him, he would be automatically discharged from the program. This would leave us with no services again. I knew that his behavior was only going to continue to escalate. He never took his anger out directly on me until recently. He has verbally threatened me, thrown things, kicked and hit me, punched me in the face, and tired to cut my face with a scissors. Generally, all of the violence at home was directed towards himself or his brother. He started to hurt his brother so much and so severe that I wouldn’t allow them to be in the same room together. The summers were the worst. We had no options on where Wyatt could go while he was out of school. He was kicked out of multiple camps, programs, etc. because they weren’t equipped to handle a situation as severe as his. We tried to reach out to find options for him, but we literally couldn’t find anyone to help find an appropriate place for him. No daycare, babysitter, or family member could handle him, and why would they take the chance of being hurt. His stepdad owned his own remodeling company, and we had no choice but to send him to his job sites to sit there and keep himself occupied. We would split time with him going there and coming to my work. After having him here for several weeks during work time, I was told that it couldn’t continue, or I would lose my job. The extensive medical bills were one of the main reasons for continuing to work. At this point I felt like not only was I forced with the decision to quit my job, but I also had to think about the safety of others and myself. I needed some time to figure out the next step for him since his behavior was getting more and more aggressive on a daily basis. I decided to send him to live with his dad until I could come up with a plan on what to do next. I couldn’t take a chance with him continuing to hurt people and himself, and because the Wraparound Program gave us no other options, it was the only choice I had left. When he was sent there, he was automatically discharged from the Wraparound program and he was again left with no services. They told me that I had the right as a parent to file a Chips Petition for services in Waukesha County since he lived there now. When I called the Clerk of Courts to figure out how to file it, their response was “I don’t know why you would want to do that because he hasn’t done anything violent enough yet.” I explained his situation and some of the recent violent behavior. I told her if he continued the way he was going he would hurt someone or himself so severe that it would be too late to get him help. Her response was “well, we can’t take a serial killer to jail before they kill.” I was left with no option to get help from Waukesha County. Wyatt started school at Hadfield Elementary School and his aggression, anger, and destructive behavior started the first day of school. He made it a total of 9 days in the school. The police were called twice for being violent with the teachers and principle. He attacked his teacher several times, destroyed property, verbally threatened to kill them, and pulled her hair out. On the last incident, he threatened to kill her and he stabbed her with a pencil 5 times. The police were called and he was arrested and taken to juvenile detention in Milwaukee. The next day, he had a court date in Waukesha where he was transferred to Winnebago Mental Health. He sat there for almost 6 months waiting to be transferred to an appropriate therapeutic intensive facility. Residential treatment came up on several occasions. In order for him to go there, it needed to be court ordered, which no one was willing to help with. It took us years for him to finally get him into a residential treatment facility. The problem that has come up recently is funding. Once that runs out, he’s out the door. They will make him leave even if he’s not ready to be back out in society. He’s unable to function without constant structure, supervision, and direction. What happens if he leaves to soon? I already know the answer to that.

The bottom line is who is fighting for these children and making sure they receive the proper and fair treatment? Our mental health system has failed him and so many others needing permanent help, and there are no answers to why. I refuse to let him get lost in the system. I’m his only voice because he can’t be. Please don’t let it be too late for him and other parents that are going through the same struggles. These are innocent little children that need a chance. My heart aches for anyone that is going through what we have. It’s not fair that it’s taken years of fighting to get help. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. His step dad and I fought for 4 years to get Wyatt help. Not 4 weeks or months - 4 YEARS. I don't mean taking him from doctor to doctor either. I mean, we had to get up in people's faces and send letters to the court system, government officials, various organizations, etc. for someone - anyone to listen. We live in a society where nothing can be done until something severe does happen. Situations like that could be avoided, but no one is listening and taking steps to make sure people don’t get hurt or lose their lives.

Heather Tillmann